There are human universals yes, but after being stripped of my black and white Jehovah’s Witnesses moral code, I’m learning to apply factual relativism. I think my brain as a clear transparent gel in my mind that receives imprints from everything. From the environment, childhood, etc. and whatever is imprinted cannot be erased; only printed over. So, the actual surface or what I consider me changes with ever new realization. Although new information can be pressed against the existing wrinkles and lines creating new patterns and landscapes. All of my morals, values, beliefs, etc. were created in my early life. Now that the foundations of those morals have been stripped, as which is common in people from cults or strictly controlling or religions upbringings, I am left to reach my own value and moral code by other means.
I have decided to take the words of the great philosopher and writer Bertrand Russell, “The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge”. I would say biologically that the good life is one inspired by culture and guided by genes. The concept of good and evil is a purely human creation. Nature is neutral and does not record in black and white film. But I try to live my life while thinking about how others would view it still. This again is caused by the deeply engrained need for approval and acceptance that was beat into me.
The fact is that our brains are like putty, but firm in the deeper regions of the brain where constant and repetitive behaviors have been made which carve out a particular pattern or well traveled path and our minds flow in the safe and well know direction rather than risk some new behavior or belief. From what I’ve learned, there is no I, soul, me, you, etc. The conscious is an illusion created by the brain to give us a sense of oneness and control with our own cognitive processes. I watched a program on the Science Channel called ‘Finding my Mind’ that followed a mathematician while he got brain scans and other test to help discover what makes a human a human. He receives one test, the test that has proven that our conscious mind is delayed and behind the actual time of when a decision has been made. In fact, the person performing the test knew before hand what the man would choose seconds before the man himself was actually aware of making the decision. He walked out of the medical center silently, looking shocked yet to me slightly relieved. Could that be a big relief in knowing that he no longer had to feel horrible guilt for everything bad he’s done? He must come to understand that although there is no I, me, or singular decision making tool in the human brain, we are still capable of making decisions and consequences of those actions still have an influence on the final decision made. However much of the processes underling thought and decision making are largely unconscious and out of our control or influence, even our comprehension and vision.
Obstacles beyond our control and comprehension might influence our brains not to do what makes sense. This is apparent in the behaviors of people like me that self harm, or people that abuse drugs, or decide to believe in religion. It makes no sense to some, but to others it’s the only way to live. And we see how these people usually grew up in bad neighborhoods or households, were abused, or something equally as traumatizing. Doctors are the drug dealers of the legal world. I can’t believe what I’ve found out about the corruption of the drug companies and psychiatric field. Their philosophy is to diagnose and prescribe as much as they can; corruption is everywhere. At least I am not naïve anymore, I know to question everything. I am for the first time in my life attempting to think for myself. after years of being mind controlled and told that I’m a bad sinner and need to become a Jehovah’s Witnesses in order to make it into paradise, I think thinking for myself is just what I need.
I grew up in a doomsday cult which kept me from thinking of the future and living in misery, guilt, and constant excitement for Armageddon to come. Once I came to accept everything I once knew was a lie I still continued to live the lifestyle. Even after years of being an atheist, guilt resided in me for having oral sex with someone I really loved. Why? Because of those great currents of consistency and routine engraved patterns and paths well traveled, and my evolved brain knows to stick to what has kept me alive thus far, and is not quick to create a new path into the unknown. Here is where logic blatantly clashes with ignorance, which has yet to fully bury itself into my unconscious brain and worthless memories.
Like that mathematician I have learned that there really is no me, and I sit in awe many times at the cognitive processes and thoughts that run through my head without my control. Thoughts of depression, helplessness, and guilt run through my head even though logic and reason tells me it is harming me and my life and has no rational place in it. Still I weep. This is why I keep learning and unlike that man I have gone farer in understanding how my mind and every human mind works. There is so much I do know and so much I and all scientists don’t know. But what I do know is that logically hating myself and holding close to values and beliefs that I find illogical is pointless. And that I should not let anyone tell me what is right or wrong.
My belief of the ‘good life’ is like that of Bertrand Russell. However, it is my choice whether or not to pursue that ideal or not. Of course because of human universals, we should all apply empathy. In that aspect I’m capable of being the most ‘empathetic’ person in the world. Even towards Cory, and yet my other engrained or perhaps natural instincts and values tell me not to empathize with him because he will only take advantage of me. In the end, we all only care about what we want, humans are selfish creatures by nature, I think only because of culture and evolution did we develop our sense of morals. Fuck society and the unsubstantiated cultural values and beliefs that it has bestowed upon us all over the centuries. They have evolved from the ignorance of religious doctrine and limited knowledge of human nature and science.
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